It was my intent to focus on Late Discovery Adoptees, since that’s where I left off in Part I, however there is more to the first story that must be told.

We cannot or, better stated, we would do well not to  operate on the assumption that all who are touched by adoption will have a favorable reaction once they find out.  We want to assume that the children we have been able to keep and raise to adulthood will understand the joy that fills a mother’s heart when she is reunited with her adopted child and we hope that they will want this child to be a part of their lives too, in some small way if nothing else.

Perhaps if the adopted child was still a child that would make it easier; but what happens when a man of forty something years makes contact with the woman who is your mother?

How do you respond upon learning that you are no longer her first born?

Threatened?
Displaced?
Deceived?
Afraid on the unknown?

After a period of shock and adjustment, a time to learn about this man and what he has accomplished in his life, learning about his family, knowing that he lives many states away and isn’t about to burst into your life and demand equal attention, one would hope that you would find enough love in your heart and soul to accept this man and, in doing so, help your mother to heal.

One would hope!

One would also be disappointed!

Where is the loving son she thought you were? Like a dictator, you lead her to the computer and forced her to notify her first born that she will not have any contact with him again or you will, right then and there, walk out of her life. Your father stands by and allows all of this to happen.

Trembling and sobbing, her hands strike the keys that will deliver the message, not one word of which she truly means but she’s trapped, she’s shamed and she, once again, does exactly what she feels forced to do.

You take her back to a time when she had no control, perhaps without realizing it, but you do that. You set down demands that force her to do something that is totally out of character for her, something that she promised herself she would never again let anyone force her to do and she gives up her son, her first born a second time.

I cannot find a word sufficient to describe what she feels. If she could utter a feeling, it would come from her bowels and claw it’s way up through her stomach and throat and it would come from her mouth as the sound of someone dying, painfully, slowly from the inside out.

She, your mother, is not the only victim of your impossed destruction. There is a grown man on the receiving end; a man who has suffered the loss of his adoptive parents at an early age, a man who was then raised by his sister – young and unprepared as she was for the task, she did the very best she could. He is a man who completed school and went on to college, just as you did – even majored in the same field of study as you. He married and has a wonderful wife, just as you do. He has children, just as you do. Your children have a grandmother; his do not. He is a veteran and he defended your country; maybe that is why you didn’t have to. He has now been given up a second time by a mother too scared to even breathe lest she lose everything but him.

And yet, you don’t even take the time to get to know him, to look upon his face, to see what is in his heart. For some foolish and very selfish reason, you seem to think this is all about YOU!

Self-centered and self-absorbed men like you have nearly wiped out entire cultures. Shame on you for dishonoring your mother as you have. The promise of the 4th Commandment, the only Commandment with a promise, is not yours until you make this right.

How’s that for being touched by adoption?

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